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true beauty

Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel, rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 1 Peter 3:3-4

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Thursday, June 30, 2005

Alone in my room one Sunday afternoon>

Being alone is definitely one thing foreign to me. Born in a famiy of 2 other sisters and one brother, company was something i always have.

When I moved to college, I stayed in a ladies dormitory. I love all my roommates. They became not just my friends but my sisters in the last four years we stayed in one roof. Whenever I go home from school feeling sad and blue, I can always find someone in our room who will listen to my misery... to cry with me, laugh with me... be there for me. Just their presence makes my blues away.

I'm always with a company so graduating from this scenario didn't come easy. Whenever I go home I'm used to sharing stories about my close-to-perfect-handsome-yet-humbly-smart-hottie professor, my out of this world insane classmates, my time-unfriendly-always-urgent projects etc. Now, all of a sudden my dormmates are gone. Coming home from work was nothing but sad. Who will listen to my crazy-knee-slapping stories?! No one. My eldest sister already got married a few years back. My brother did so as well. All I'm left with is my 13 year old sister whom I think will never show slight interest in my world. No one listens to my stories anymore. I feel so alone.

I remember playing Ice Breaker with my friend. He got this question "What is your greatest fear?" In a heartbeat I answered. "To be alone."

Everytime it rains, i don't go to my room alone for it will just make me cry thinking how it will be like if I were in our dorm. We might sing with my guitar till our throats run dry. Maybe play pusoy dos or tong its. Or perhaps we'll just stay inside the room and reminisce memories from the past.

Strange. But this afternoon is a little different. I'm in my room for the last i-don't-know-how-long and I don't feel alone! Lately, I'm beginning to enjoy being alone in my room reading magazines, studying Japanese, listening to music, having a "self-talk" and it feels just so good! It's amazing! I've finally stepped forward. (Thank God after more than a year hehe) I'm definitely not afraid anymore! (chincha!)

I'm looking forward to playing ice breaker with my friend again. And I'm so excited to tell him that "I'm no longer afraid to be alone" #

# posted by Viviene | 8:53 PM

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